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Next Friday's 40K Army List In Full...

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...and if Commander(*) Pedro Cantor survives The Battle At The Farm then next session he may get to defend the road tunnel at Jadeberry Hill that runs under the Pakamac(**) river and leads to the gates of New Rynn City.
  
Time to party like it's 1987!

(*) His counter seems to have him demoted from Chapter Master, no doubt as a result of losing his chapter to a rogue defence missile while ineptly failing to fight off the invasion of Snagrod, the Arch-Arsonist of Charadon(***).

(**) Yes, I only just noticed that one as well.

(***) Pete Cantor was/is a mate of Rick Priestley during the 40K playtests. Apparently he wasn't very good at 40K.

PhotoIntel From Rynns World

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In another dimension lost within The Warp is a place where it is still 1987 so fuckyeahtimeforroguetrader!

Phil S, Steve B and myself played Warhammer 40,000 Rogue Trader yesterday (Friday 19th), 1987 style. The scenario was The Battle of Farm from the original book, the rules were original book and the original book only, with no later amendments, no errata and using the frankly bizarre rules for template weapon deviation. Phil tried to grow a mullet especially for the game but only started seriously thinking about it late afternoon on Friday so it wasn't particularly noticeable. I want a FRANKIE SAYS... t-shirt for next time we play.

Anyway, via Astropath relay, witch machines and the efforts of the servo-tortoise have some photointel of hostilities upon Rynn's World, trying not to notice that the calibration of the optical sights appear to be slightly off possibly as a result of violent re-entry into realspace from the warp. Our chief Jokaero techie has accordingly been punished by applied use of the porta-rack. Inquisitor Obi-Wan Sherlock Clouseau has extracted a full confession and mea culpa from the alien concerned apologising for this heretical incompetence.



Overview of the famous battlefield showing the titular ruined farm, the L-shaped orchard and Bultha's Rise complete with it's power generator which is a shower gel bottle sprayed-up by Phil for the game.


Battle-Brothers Tarquin and Tobermory on sentry duty. Isn't it amazing how Rynn's World agricultural buildings look nothing at all like ruined Norman churches?


Battle-Brother Tarquin looking a bit newer than 1987 if we are brutally honest.


The Finger of Mork! Thrugg Bullneck tells his "Troopers" (they must be dismounted cavalry...) where to go. This happened to be across open ground towards some hiding Space Marines but obviously NOBODY REALLY KNEW WHAT THE SCENARIO FROM TWENTY-FIVE YEARS AGO IN A BOOK WE ALL OWN AND HAVE READ THOUSANDS OF TIMES WAS REALLY ABOUT so how was Phil to know?


Commander Pedro Cantor holds an impromptu team meeting about whether it is chapter policy to allow Battle-Brothers to paint KIL KIL KIL and smiley faces upon their Power Armour. (For the record, it is apparently).


Space Orks of Charadon attempt to infiltrate through The Orchard. With 2" visibility in woodland NOBODY REALLY KNOWS THEY ARE THERE just like those Orks DON'T KNOW THEMARINES ARE THERE.


Orks. Orchard. This is, I think, from game 2 whereby I controlled the Marines and Phil the Orks. Steve was Marine Commander in game 1. The third player was THE GAMESMASTER BECAUSE IN THE EXCITING WORLD OF 1987 YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE ONE.


Last, aerial photography from an Orgus Flyer high above the battlefield. Cantor takes advantage of the incredible lethality of Bolt Pistols at close range (seriously, +2 to hit at under 8", S4, -1 Save) to close in and engage the greenskins.

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More about the game later. We were pleasantly surprised, suspecting that casting eyes used to modern games back upon the old blue book would show us a clunky, slow-moving system but actually for smaller-sized games it's nigh on perfect and as a toolbox of funky stuff to build a scenario around it's without peer. We are going to play it again, but next time we aren't going to be using the mix of figures from last time. Next time we are going proper 1987 Battle At The Farm. With these beauties...


The scenario isn't massively balanced but might have been a bit easier for the Orks had it not taken us nearly two games to realise that Space Marines only have T3 under these rules...

I have noticed though that the followup "Skirmish on Rynn's World" from WD94 doesn't give the devastating Bolt Pistols to the Space Marines and gives all of the Orks crack and frag grenades which massively changes the balance of power at close quarters so presumably Rick Priestley decided something had to be done about it.

The Battle At The Farm 3 - This Time It's Personal!

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You thought last Friday's game of 1987 vintage Rogue Trader was retro? Well you ain't seen nothing yet you heretical xenos scum.

Those of you who's memory reaches back 25 years may well remember that good old GW gave you a sheet of counters for TBatF which you could photocopy and use to play the game before you bought any figures (I know, completely unfuckingthinkable isn't it...). Which looked like this


After removing the blue and grey in GIMP (the white balance option), printing on appropriately coloured card, laminating, dismembering with Mr. Stanley and the steel rule and then gluing to 30mm square pieces of watercolour board painted Chaos Black, they looked like this




(Oh, and that man jailed over sex with girl in the newspaper somewhat surprisingly didn't actually work for the BBC. I think that might have been his problem).

So, off to the October club in Birmingham for THE BATTLE AT THE FARM 3 - THIS TIME THE ORKS MIGHT NOT GET AS FUCKED OVER AS THEY DID IN BATTLE AT THE FARM 1 AND BATTLE AT THE FARM 2 - THRUGG BULLNECK STRIKES BACK.

But they did. Again. And Ork Number 2 Hruk died from the very first shot the Marines fired. Which was a plasma missile aimed at somebody else that missed it's original target. Just to rub it in like.

Anyway, pics of just how retro this looked. You can tell there is a new iPhone out that they want you to buy as my older one has suddenly lost the ability to take decent photographs. Weird that, it's almost like they know...


Classic Old School 5 man squad formation - three up, two back with the back two firing through the gap. Maximum nostalgia.


 Battle-Brother Tomsk(*) on sentry duty.


Space Marine defenses. Can we get true LOS over the wall sections to the counters under 40K 5th edition rules? Who gives a flying fuck?


Banzai charge. Squad Leader Baldgazh doesn't give a fuck about the loss of his squad in two turns of Marine fire. Ld7 and low dice rolling is all an Ork needs.


Thrugg leads his counters models behind The Orchard. Don't look at the missing aquarium plants that were accidentally left behind at Coop Towers II. I meant it, stop looking.


High water mark of the Ork advance. Three dead Marines in the farm-house all casualties of Thrugg's following fire plasma pistol. S6, +2 at short range, -1 save. Following Fire - if you wounded (even if saved) have another shot at same target or anybody else with 4". Keep going as long as the dice keep up. Lovely.


Sad state of the Ork firing line after the battle. I always used to lie down "dead" models in games when I was a lad so it was nice to do something similar in tonight's battle.

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Anyway that's it for the nostalgia experiment. However it has highlighted what a great game 40K is if played in 1987 style with tiny forces and GM-led scenario games and the next plan is to complete forces for The Wolf Time, the campaign from Chapter Approved. As well as a few games mucking around with robots and vortex grenades and Ambulls and bio-wire and powerboards etc. and maybe even a diversion into playing it with 15mm figures.

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If you, or anybody you know, have been affected by the issues raised in today's and yesterday's posts then man up, pull your finger out and dust off your copy of 40K, forget about anything that came out later than WD94 and get on with it. It's ace.

(*) Have you noticed that one of the second wave of Space Marine models (which ironically enough is the ones that came out at the same time as RT) is called Communications-Brother Orinocco? And Orinocco is a Womble is he not? No, I never noticed at the time either. Yes, I appreciate that this subnote makes fuck-all sense outside of the UK. Sorry about that.

Once Upon a Time I Sent an SAE to Nottingham

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Once upon a time, which I now know to be around the July of 1985 I saw this in the back page of a Lone Wolf book, quite possibly the very one I photographed this from twenty minutes ago.




So I begged a 1st class stamp off a parent and off it was dispatched. And pretty shortly afterwards somebody took a break from being whipped mercilessly by Bryan Ansell to send me some mailshot sheets of the new Citadel releases printed in red on yellow paper. In fact despite only asking for one SAE they continued to send mailshots out for a couple of years, probably until (I guess) they stopped doing them in favour of White Dwarf instead.

Now I couldn't remember what was on the mailshots but by remarkable coincidence, wardy-la has posted some scans of exactly that red on yellow mailshot from 1985.



I hadn't seen either of these for twenty-seven years so this was probably the most nostalgic gaming thing I'd experienced since, oh, Tuesday and, before that, the previous Friday.

Seeing the D&D Skeleton reminds me that at about this time, I got a free Dungeons & Dragons-branded hologram in some breakfast cereal. It was this very Skeleton in exactly the same pose (so probably taken from the original Citadel Miniatures studio shots) and I remember there being a Bugbear in the same series - also a model from BDD2.

So, hardcore Citadel collectors, somewhere there exists a range of cardboard-mounted holograms of Citadel Miniatures from BDD2 Monster Starter Set. What you waiting for? Get on with it... :)

(Sod's law says this will draw out a post from amongst the Oldhammer blogs with someone's complete collection of 1980s breakfast cereal Citadel-Miniatures-under-D&D-Basic-license holograms within about a day and a half. Don't let me down now...)


DO NOT WANT!!!

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Right then, that's fucked it. How many years do you reckon it will be before they decide the "franchise"(*) needs a gritty, reimagined reboot for a more modern age and they wipe the slate clear and remake the original? Probably after a long chain of steadily worse films that come out every three years to increasing indifference.

Wouldn't it just have been cheaper to have done this before making John Carter and then not bothered to make it?


(*) I really, really, really fucking hate the modern mis-use of this word to refer to film or computer game series. Anybody who uses it front of me in person will get kicked in the cock or vaj (delete as applicable).

Build A Dungeon From Me

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Winter nights are drawing in, clocks have gone back, time for a new project.

http://buildadungeonfromme.tumblr.com/ is an idea I've had for a while now, a tumblr blog dedicated just to pictures that might spark a encounter or landscape idea for a game i.e. for production of the type of illustrative maps that Zak S builds up for his games and posts online. A picture is worth a thousand words and all that.

If you add "/archive" onto the end of the url, you get the overview which is perhaps more useful than scanning through page by page. Does anybody know how to modify a tumblr theme to include an archive button if it's not present?


'Neath Whatever Isle

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A dungeon outline built up from a few clicks of the RANDOM button on buildadungeonfromme.tumblr.com.




(Click to embiggen, else much of the below won't make any sense)

All the PCs realise that they have had the same dream recently of a small island atop an underwater spire with a large fortified manor house or walled village, and lighthouse built underwater i.e. the picture handout above. For Old Skool characters this looks loot-able and therefore finding it becomes a matter of urgency, for characters from AD&D 2nd Edition onwards the dream was accompanied by visions of Merfolk crying for help and therefore finding it becomes a matter of urgency.

Island is located wherever DM wants to send campaign and is named appropriately to the local culture. Underwater construction is lair of Ventru the Atlantean, Merman Vampire (or Mermaid Vampire if you like).

High-level PCs probably have magical means of descending to the level of the lighthouse (where the underwater entrance to lair is). Low-levels probably don't and their attempts to dive to it flounder in strong currents returning the PCs to the surface after a bit of hp loss due to being battered against the rocks. If they are looking for it while underwater, something that might be the lighthouse beacon glow is vaguely visible down in the depths - on the right of the picture.

The island itself is occupied by Horrics, basically Giant Ferrets from B/X with the faces of wizened old men (for little reason other than the fact that it seems quite freaky and Chaotic whereas ferrets are in reality friendly and playful domesticated creatures. It's just a reskin of an existing creature and it's stats). Whether these are vicious predators or only fight in self-defence is up to DM and probably depends upon whether your game is low-level or high-level, or hack-and-slash or not. Despite the human faces they have only animal intelligence.

At the highest point of the island is a deep vertical shaft with an ancient spiral staircase carved from the rock and built up with pieces of driftwood and derelict ships. PCs can descend to the dungeon from here - it may be the home of bats or bat-like creatures (e.g. Stirges).


Whatever Isle Random Finds (d6)

1 - Skeleton in rotted remains of diving suit (brass helmet worth 65gp)
2 - Coastal erosion reveals 2500sp in sacks marked PROPERTY OF CAPTAIN DIVIATIO
3 - Lobster pots with 2d6 Lobsters, each effectively a meal if boiled
4 - Mound of earth. d6 hours to dig up, chest with 400gp of contraband rum, playing cards, foreign pornography etc.
5 - Suspiciously clean hand-axe. Actually a +1
6 - d6 Turquoise each worth 20gp.

Waterfall - Any PC stupid enough to go over takes 2d6, Save vs Paralysis to halve. Fatal damage - drowned and 3-in-6 body lost, washed out to sea.

Alternatively the underwater entrance is a potential means of ingress or later escape.


The lighthouse beacon is something akin to a Kalte Firesphere from the Lone Wolf gamebooks (magically glowing hemispherical stone) under a dome of transparent crystal. Any merman/mermaid or similar seeing the glow of the beacon at close quarters must Save vs Spells or sink into a state reminiscent of being slipped a Mickey Finn of rohypnol. Once this happens Ventru's servants, who are amphibious humanoids capable of breathing air and water such as some form of Sahuagin or saltwater-adapted Chaos Toadman venture out into the sea and abduct the helpless Mer-being, the victim intended for later consumption by Ventru. Ventru isn't keen on the blood of the surface dwellers as it lacks the necessary tang of brine and sushi.

These servants exit and enter through a natural underwater fungus that grows across a tunnel mouth in the side of the spire (to the left of the beacon on the picture). This can be pushed apart and naturally rapidly squeezes back around anything passing through it, creating a reasonably water-tight seal between the air-filled dungeon and the sea.

PROTIP - In Lamentations of the Flame Princess Grindhouse edition this is probably Giant Vagina Dentata instead.

The following important rooms are found within the dungeon. Others to be added by the DM.

The Servant Lair - one or more rooms for the Sahuagin/Chaos Toadmen. Large drains to get rid of any water ingress from when the fungus "seal/door" is used.

The Charnel Pit - A deep pit lined with downwards facing spikes of coral. All the blood-drained Mermen are flung down here so it is a pile of skeletons (top half human, bottom half fish) and decomposing corpses with potential for hostile undead encounters or friendly/neutral ghosts.





The Cracked Window - Ventru's quarters are on the left side of the spire (see pic). The windows are solid, translucent blue crystal with a calming blue glow filtering through into the dungeon. Mix of worked rooms (furnished) and natural caves (windowed). However one large window is cracked with an obvious large flaw and if the PCs can put enough destructive power here, then the complex can be flooded. However the huge water pressure here will make being in the room at the same time as the window is blown somewhat dangerous if not outright Save or Die foolish.

Prison/Larder - Merman and Mermaid captives, for whom the spell of the beacon has worn off and need rescuing.

Ventru's Lair - For low-level gaming, Ventru is tucked away in an inaccessible part of his complex. For high-level gaming, Ventru will play cat-and-mouse with the PCs and put in a personal appearance.

PROTIP - For Old Skool gaming the latter happens even if the PCs are low-level. Tough shit.

Access to Ventru's inner sanctum is via The Purple Gate...



The Purple Gate - This blocks off the end of a tunnel or chamber. Access is via opening both eyelids at the same time (requires two climbers as the distance is just a bit too great for a tall man to reach both), at which point the entire neck section "telescopes" down into the torso revealing the access. For high-level PCs everything else like the nipples, ear-rings and forehead jewel fire off traps - perhaps ejecting poisonous sea urchins or similar from concealed chambers of seawater.


Ventru's Illusionary Amusement Gallery - The lowest chamber of the dungeon appears to be home to a bloody battle between forces of Achilleos/Frazetta-style barbarian/bandit warriors, Orcs and Skeletons. This may take the PCs by surprise as nothing of this could be heard from the other side of the door. Casualties vanish and reinforcements arrive from places the PCs were not looking.

The battle is entirely illusionary and cannot be disbelieved. Just as the PCs relax and realise that they cannot interact with the slaughter in any way somebody is attacked at +4 by the Invisible Stalker that lurks here under instruction from Ventru to kill anyone who ventures here who isn't him. Watch the paranoia mount as the PCs start to suspect that some of the barbarians aren't illusionary...

The rest of the dungeon is fill-able with whatever you want - but you don't need me to tell you that.

Sometimes You Find a Random Picture...

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...and think "Bloody Hell, that needs keying up as a dungeon."


Not mega-, not giga-, straight to yottadungeon that one.

Here, Have 1000 Dungeon Rooms

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No, seriously. Here you are.

The first 21 rooms look like this;


Ugly, but functional.

Here's how it works. This is basically the Moldvay dungeon stocking tables streamlined down to a single d1000 roll, so that you roll once and get the complete room.

M means monster present, S means a special/unique present, T means a trap and a Y in the TREASURE column means treasure present.

The numbers in the columns come into play with d100 tables you plug in from elsewhere. So a roll of 007 on that table gives you a room-with-monster but also tells you that it is Monster #85 of your pre-defined table. This table is, of course, themed around whatever your dungeon or level is themed around. And you don't need all 100 monsters as you can say things like;

01-40 Chaos Dwarves
41-42 Flailsnails
43-50 Blind Cave Stirges etc. etc.

And so on. A d100 table can easily be re-factored to a d10 or d20 table. And if you don't want that many monsters, then it's easy to truncate that table so that a roll of 85+ (for example) is No Encounter.

The same is true of traps and specials. Room 005 gives us Special #19 and Room 015 has treasure guarded by Trap #64. Again, hackable to reduce the frequency.

FEAT.1 through FEAT.3 indicate d3 dungeon "features" which is basically the sort of stuff you get on Dungeon Dressing tables. Random rubbish, architectural features, natural cave formations, pools, archways, offal, chaos spikey bits sprouting from the walls etc. etc. This is where you define the "look and feel" of your dungeon.


If you want less dungeon dressing (i.e. d3-1) then simply ignore the last result on the list.

 Now, the obvious use of this is for stocking pre-created maps. But, your Boy Coop here is an idle fucker at the best of times and hates stocking maps. So kilodungeon is designed from the ground up for seat-of-the-pants improv. In other words no map drawn out in advance, just generated in play. This is an exercise in determining what you really, really don't need sorted in advance to start to play (which means that it owes a considerable debt to the "lightbulb moments" engendered by the One Page Dungeon concept and the superlative Vornheim).

How big are these rooms? What shape, where are the exits?

They are as big and as small as is required for the action contained within them. If it's a Dragon lair it's big. If it's an empty room it's probably not important, if it's a temple to Prahmfaaze, Mother of Bastards then it's probably big enough to house an altar and large congregation. Exits are, well, there's the one the PCs entered and the rightmost column tells you how many there are. Shape is not important unless it's important in which case draw something down. On a piece of paper somewhere. At whichever point it starts to matter.

There is nothing to stop you deciding once a result has been ascertained (posh way of saying, rolled on d1000) that it applies to a series of rooms or caverns so stops becoming a cave with Morlocks in and becomes a complex of linked caves that the whole Morlock tribe inhabits. This increases the efficiency of kilodungeon considerably and might more to the tastes of players who demand realism in the dungeons they ravage while pretending to be busty Elf tarts in scalemail knickers.

Corridors

When planning out the dungeon (which means assembling the M, T, S and Dungeon Dressing tables) decide upon the percentage of rooms to corridors. Not necessarily footprint ratios or anything like that, just the flat percentage change that leaving a room leads to a corridor. Then roll for each exit used. If it comes up corridor, you can roll above for number of exits from that corridor on the d1000 table or simply roll d4 (which is all the little bit of VBScript I wrote to produce the above does).

Corridors go wherever and twist and turn wherever. Make it snap up to the rest of the already-drawn map or head off in another direction. Whichever seems most useful at the time. You're the DM after all.

Secret Doors.

Again, flat percentage of rooms/corridors that may have secret doors. In the interests of saving effort don't even waste time thinking about them until if and when the PCs start looking, then do a secret roll. (Or pre-game knock up a list of 20+ results and use them in order).

Level Entrances/Exits

You probably saw this coming - flat percentage chance of each room. Roll it etc. etc.

With the last three constants you can tweak the snakiness of the dungeon, density of secret doors and passages, and ease of egress from the level. It strikes me that you could also rip an existing module apart, cannibalizing it's monster list, trap list, specials and dungeon features and play it using kilodungeon.

Obviously, the contents of the PDF were generated by pressing refresh on my VBScript. I could churn out dozens of those charts at a drop of a hat.

Thoughts and criticisms welcome!

Some Points

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XBLA Spelunky is great if you are the sort of person who likes Old School D&D and liked Rick Dangerous on the old, proper machines. It's basically Rick Dangerous Rogue-like. It's one of the few games that manage to be brutally hard (at first), but 100%, no messing fair and never cheap.

On the subject of Rogue-likes, Zaga-33 on iOS costs sixty-nine pence and is equally brilliant. (This has been out for absolutely ages but I only thought to mention it now due to mentioning Spelunky).

buildadungeonfromme.tumblr.com now has 266 pictures loaded up on it and a RANDOM button for pressing and seeing what inspiration stuff drops out of the other end. You should press RANDOM a few times and write the scenario. It will be good for you.

Warhammer 40,000 6th edition is OK (myself and The Not-really-a-nephew-nephew both have the Dark Vengeance box sets with no intention of buying codexes or worrying about points values) but does play rather like somebody simply took 5th edition and shoe-horned his own house rules and "this is how we play" things into it. Lots of slightly clunky exceptions to rules, not slick.

I have a new blog for the wargaming stuff that seems out of place here on fightingfantasist. It's called OPEN FIRE! ALL WEAPONS! which you need to shriek like a leather-clad lesbian dominatrix from the Slavic regions of Mongo in order to get the full effect. Mostly going to be the historic stuff I think.


Will whoever keeps sending me anonymous messages on http://fuckyeahbritisholdschoolgaming.tumblr.com/ that just say "leman russ" or "white dwarf" kindly explain himself and his purpose in doing so? I'm starting to feel that I'm missing a meme that the rest of the Internet knows all about.

While sorting out a post of the cover of Something Rotten in Kislev for that blog, a Google search came across my long-forgotten review of this WFRP supplement from 13 years ago...

Also, I has Dreadball.


But first impressions were that the figures were not of the usual 28mm Mantic quality, but rather small and afflicted with a lot of flash and not at all what I had expected as an existing Mantic customer.


But then after being disappointed I painted the human team up, and they looked OK when speed-painted and gloss varnished.


I was going to paint them silvery-chrome, but then I realised that everybody else would do that, so I painted them bronze and blue instead and I was going to call them BRUTAL DELUXE, but then I realised that everybody else would do that, so I named them METAL MESSIAHS instead.


I need to paint the Orc team but we are due to play on Friday so that probably won't happen in time.

Also, sorry Words with Friends, but despite your moral objections it is an acceptable world in real world Scrabble. It may not be big, and it may not be clever, but it is a legal play. Cost me 18 points there, you bowdlerising pig-fucker.





Two quotes from Rick Priestley

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"The modern [Games Workshop Design] studio isn’t a studio in the same way; it isn’t a collection of artists and creatives sharing ideas and driving each other on. It’s become the promotions department of a toy company– things move on!"

Rick P from an interview by Orlygg at Realm of Chaos.

Not all second editions are design-led though. The bigger the publisher the more likely it is that someone has a weather eye on the wage bills and profit line. In other words, it may not be the game's designers who pull the strings, especially where designers are employees and not necessarily the game's original creators... ...With fantasy and science fiction games that are tied to proprietary model ranges, there is a temptation to subvert games development for simple range expansion. So the second edition effectively re-writes the game, changes army composition, and adds new'must have' models.

Rick P in Wargames, Soldiers & Strategy issue 63.

I am doing my raised eyebrow face. That is all.

Helmet Camera Footage Found on iPhone

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While tidying up the Camera Roll...


Didn't end well for the lone Silver Skulls Space Marine.

(Sorry kids, it was 6th edition rules. Nephew's Christmas present and all that).

WFRP Scarecrow Career Class.

Ancient & Modern

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Back to August 1986 now, and a fascinating experiment by Graham Staplehurst in the pages of WD80 and WD81.

A&M is a sort of multi-media scenario/campaign/magazine special, the sort of thing that could only ever have been produced in the magazines as opposed to in published scenarios (which would have come up against commercial pressures). In this scenario, the players start as AD&D characters in Brian Lumley's Theem'hdra Mythos S&S setting (House of Cthulhu, Sorcery of Shad etc.), full of antediluvean pulp goodness which then shifts gears halfway through to become a game of Call of Cthulhu in which the players play their own ancestors/grandparents in the classic CoC era who, in turn, turn out be the descendants of the original AD&D characters. WD81 also has some short Theem'hdra fiction in the form of Lumley's The Sorcerer's Book.

There is a lot of material here in two short-ish magazine articles. WD80 has a high-level overview of the Theem'hdra setting, and the sketchy way the scenario is written allows for it to either be a one-shot or full campaign dependent upon how the DM-and-Keeper fills in the sections inbetween the described "must happens" and encounters. There's a lot of open-endedness and potential for the players to wander around trying to find solutions to problems such as travel in 1920s Normandy when you've lived your lives in the forgotten, only-part-human civilization of 10,000,000 BC. (There's a nice aside in that at one point the AD&D characters can lay their hands on a sizeable quantity of Sterling and Franc bank-notes but how will they recognise this as money?).

After the Appendix N-spectacular of the brief Theem'hdra background (anybody for an expedition to "the nightmarish Marsh of Slugs - all ten thousand square miles of it"? Nobody?) we get on with the plot.

In Theem'hdra there is currently something of a stalemate between the forces of the evil Gorgos, member of the Thromb race that seeped down from the gaps between the stars across interstellar abysses etc. etc. and the white wizard (and curiously anagramically named) Teh Atht. To break the stalemate Gorgos has decided to write off his attempts to conquer Theem'hdra and has instead put much of his power into an indestructible book containing a spell which will bring him to the  future when cast by some useful idiot, far from the spoiling and meddling efforts of his nemesis Teh Atht.

Independently, Atht has created an indestructible time capsule containing relics of his age. By co-incidence this is unearthed not very far in distance or time from where Gorgos' spellbook gets unearthed. Through temporal machinations far too complicated to get my head around, the 1920s PCs become very important to the resolution of the scenario because they are the descendants of the Theem'hdra PCs who are apparently very important because they are ancestors of the Theem'hdra PCs who become very important because Gorgos tries to capture them because... I think because he tries to capture them. Maybe. Or something like that.

(And this raises another question - if I play my Great-Grandfather Lance-Corporal White, ex-Royal Engineers and Tank Corps, Western Front and I get him killed how exactly do I end up playing him in a CoC game to get him killed in the first place? Why do I suddenly appear to be speaking from a formless, eternal void?)

Anyway.

Our Theem'hdra PCs get attacked at night in a raid intended to make them prisoners of Gorgos in his Temple of the Secret Gods evil lair HQ. This might or might not suceed but via a very loose "this might happen, then maybe this, possibly that if something else occurs" style of scenario plotting the PCs draw the attention of Teh Atht himself who whisks them off to his tower. There is a much looseness here, run with whatever the PCs get up to until a suitable opportunity to introduce the Big Man arises.

Following astral body investigations, Teh Atht discovers that Gorgos' book has been unearthed by a British archeologist whose merry widow (and useful idiot), Mme Chalbert is planning to perform the required ritual in the pursuit of immortality and power. Meanwhile, Atht's time capsule has been discovered in the aftermath of a volcanic eruption at sea by the academic Theldred Gustau who has translated it's contents but faces public scorn for his wild claims. Oh, and Atht's plan is to get the AD&D PCs to communicate with the CoC PCs through dreams in order to get them to form an adventuring party go to the Palace of Westminister lawn and recognise each other when Big Ben rings twelve.

Confused yet? Never mind, have a Tim Sell double spread map.





Suddenly we flash to the "modern" day, it's sometime pre-Second World War and the PCs (who have never previously met) share a strong mental image of a very modern Le Corbusier white-painted concrete house and the "witch" who is going to summon Gorgos, Mme. Chalbert herself.

Now get on with it.

The PCs have to use their wits, contacts and skills and generally whatever they can come up with to locate Chalbert and the house (on a private island off the coast of Normandy), get there and disrupt the ritual. At some point (and this is not very clear how), they need to come across the testimony of Theldred Gustau suggesting that there is another link to the antediluvian land floating around somewhere in the form of his memory of events and notes, but it would be really handy if they didn't wander off an diversion to Gustau's house in Yorkshire.

Because of





which would be not good.

At this point some temporal space-time knicker elastic snaps and, in a move completely unforeseeable to anybody playing in the scenario, both sets of PCs swop times and our CoC investigators end up in Teh Atht's tower.

At this, nearly everything is good as the world and indeed entire space-time continuum has been saved yet again. Unfortunately our PCs are all trapped in the wrong times and Lance-Corporal White is thinking that driving tanks on the Somme while Germans tried to kill him was a better gig than this, implying that I'm not here typing this right now.

So, onto part of the scenario detailed in WD81.

Teh Atht needs to visit the tower of Mylakhrion, the foremost ex-wizard of his age now sadly deceased as his own spellbook is not extensive enough to contain the spell required to swop both sets of PCs in time for a celebratory feast of greasy, roast mutton and ale, or weak, milky tea and Battenberg cake depending upon era. The CoC PCs will accompany him to the tower. The AD&D PCs need to get somewhere on the modern globe coterminous with Mylakhrion's tower. This is troublesome as the continents no longer even vaguely resemble those of Theem'hdra.

However, one man in 1920s Earth is aware of Theem'hdra and has much of Teh Atht's time capsule notebooks. The Coc PCs need to dream-comunicate with their AD&D counterparts and send them to Yorkshire to find out Gustau. This is another section of the scenario that could be hand-waved or could produce hours of inventive roleplaying. While knowing nothing about the twentieth century the AD&D characters have to get off a Norman isle, get to England and then travel to Yorkshire (probably with law in pursuit), locate Gustau and then travel with him to Norway where he has calculated the site of the the tower to be. Oh, and spells keep failing in the modern industrial age. Just to make life easier.

This done, the CoC PCs accompany Teh Atht to the tower. Again this could be hand-waved or turned into the World's Biggest Dungeonbash. Oh, and technological artefacts such as guns and electric torches keep failing in the ancient age. Just to make life easier.

Right at the death, the rather angry Gorgos the Thromb arrives to have it out with Teh Atht once and for all.





Is there a male equivalent of vagina dentata? Maybe penile dentata? Stat this up, you can have that on me. Probably on some random Chaos Attribute table for Slaaneshi NPCs somewhere.

---

A&M is a really bold idea, not least of which is that it attempts to sit sniffy CoC players down and hand them AD&D character sheets which I imagine in some circles around 1986 would be akin to turning up to Keeper a Coc session and waving dogshit under your player's noses. It's also a little bit short of player agency and any real chance of failure in the Theem'hdra segments in that Gorgos' agents are trying to capture, not kill, and Teh Atht is too stunningly powerful to let anything fatal occur to the PCs unless they are mind-bogglingly stupid. In both modern segments, things are much looser and depend more upon the player's wits and Keeper's improvisational skills with the ability to extend across a great many playing sessions.

 I like A&M, I've never played it and suspect it was more admired in print than played but it's the sort of thing that White Dwarf did very well. It deserves a modern airing and if you're the sort of person who regularly reads the blog then you won't struggle laying your hands on copies of WD80 and WD81.

Later edit - it strikes me that one reason to justify Gorgos' attempt to capture the PCs rather than just kill them is that he is aware of their links to the 1920s and the attempt to summon him but is unaware of exactly what those links are. He may even be suspecting that they are ancestors of Chalbert and that he cannot risk them dying and so removing her from the future timeline. This might even be correct. If a PC has some obvious genetic trait such as a gap in the teeth or a shock of red hair, then perhaps Chalbert will turn out to have that trait.



Identify That Dwarf

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Back in the Rogue Trader era of White Dwarf (i.e. from WD93 onwards) there was a mention in one issue of a forthcoming event at Games Day. It would be really helpful for a prospective project if someone could help me locate the actual issue this was mentioned in. All I remember is


- Players were asked to bring to the event a painted 10-man Space Marine squad.

- The battle was a free-for-all event, a gladiatorial event for the title of "Emperors Champion" or something broadly similar.

- There was a mention in a later WD that the eventual winner had adopted the tactic of using his Missile Launcher to target ice-floes the other player's Marines were standing on and in doing so sinking them.

This might have been run twice and accordingly mentioned in WD the following year. I believe that if this was the case, the second year allowed Chaos Space Marine squads which would almost certainly date it to after the release of the first Realms of Chaos volume.

Does anybody else remember this and which issues it was mentioned in?

Knowing the readership of this blog it will probably turn out that somebody not only knows, they played in the original and have run it as a special Christmas game every year since...

Zanbar Maul Darth Bone

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This is Zanbar Bone the BBEG of the fifth FF book, City of Thieves. Designed and illustrated by Brit(*) Old Skool favourite Iain McCaig, 1983.


This is Darth Maul, Sith Lord from that Phantom Menace shit. Designed by Brit(*) Old Skool favourite Iain McCaig (yes, the same one), mid-1990s.


Influence of FF went a long way didn't it?

(*) Californian by birth, Canadian by upbringing, Glaswegian by residence. But you know what I mean.

The Oldhammer Warband

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Right then, for the Oldhammer day to be played out at Foundry in Nottingham later in the year, it's time to sort out the Coop Chaos Warband. With dice rolling and everything. See here for all the stuff if this appears to make no sense to you.



Here are my weapons - plenty of chaotic chance and randomness in there.



First up, me or UMLAUT GÖRESHITTER as I now wish to be known. I pick a 10 Hero Human. Khornate, so get Chaos Armour for free which is basically Heavy Armour +1.

Chaos Attribute - Limb Transference. Hmmmm. This turns out to be head to knee which, for purposes of modelling, I can only envisage as requiring the decapitation of a model and the sculpting of a face on a giant swollen knee. Much like my knee after I banged it trying to clamber out of a single-seater racing car (had it had a scowling John Blanche Ogre face growing out of it at the time).

3 Retinue rolls next.

First is d6 Hobgoblins, 2 of. Fairly certain I can rustle up some Goblinoids that are not quite little Goblins, but not quite hulking Orcs. I have some Ral Partha Orcs that can go in the Dettol.

Second is 2d6 Beastmen, 7 of. Don't think I have any of these to hand although I do have an Asgard Half-Troll that needs using.

Third roll is, ohh...


Which sends me off the interesting Other table. Score - Fimir.

That's bad luck as I don't have one and they aren't exactly cheap on eBay. Still, carry on. This turns to be not just a Fimir but a Chaos Fimir as it has up to D3 attributes - Roll of 1. Result - Chaos-Were.

Which requires another model. Roll for base creature for "were" form - Fimir.

ODFO.

2 Fimir models? Fimir-Were-Fimir?

Fuck it, keep rolling. Chaos-Were form has 5 attributes.

Hopper (one leg - obviously just what you want with a old, large, white metal model designed for a 40mm base), Huge Head (just what you want with a old, large, white metal model designed for a 40mm base that is now balancing on one leg), Warty Skin (which was done with little balls of Milliput pressed flat on the model's skin, yes?), Bestial Face and...

Chaos Spawn.

ODFO.

Roll another d6 attributes.

Bestial Face (again), Beaked (twice) ,Rotting Flesh.

KHORNE MY UNHOLY MASTER WHY MUST YOU MOCK AND TORMENT ME SO ALL I EVER WISHED TO DO WAS ADORN YOUR GORE-SPLATTERED FOOTSTOOL WITH THE OFFAL OF MINE ENEMIES!

Lets get this straight shall we...

A Fimir that has the curse of Lycanthrophy that, upon nights when Morrslieb the Chaos Moon is full turns into his bestial inner self... another Fimir.

With a giant head supporting two bestial faces, both beaked while hopping on one giant leg. He does have a slight wart problem with his complexion but happily that's being resolved as it's basically all falling off.

JUST TURN ME INTO A CHAOS SPAWN NOW AND GET IT OVER AND DONE WITH OK?

Now, where's my Milliput?

LATER EDIT

Suddenly, Chaos Were Fimir reminded me of Leaping Slomm Two-Face all the way back in "The Mark of Chaos" (basically proto-RoC) in The First Citadel Compendium from 1983.




That gives me something to work on. Maybe start with a leg from a doll or action figure of some description, forget that the Chaos-Were form is supposed to be a Fimir (as the Chaos Spawn attribute rather trumps that) and work up something akin to this.


Oldhammer Warband Thoughts

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I need two Hobgoblins for the warband (who will be known as Naztibrootiz and Zhort), so I went through the box with my very old (now retired) Hordes of the Things Goblin army, The Goblins of Crippledick Peak to see what I could find.

These are (I think) Ral Partha Orcs.



These were masquerading as Goblins because they aren't as big as modern Orcs. They have very nice shields for old skool freehand shield designs although BITD I just used GW waterslides.

The other option is these two Chronicle N16 Cave Goblins from the talented hands of Nick Bibby a man who sadly had to stop sculpting when he developed an allergy to epoxy putty. :)



Not sure where I got the idea for ginger goblins from but not a bad one.

Whichever I use, I'll strip and repaint in the traditional Comedy Racist Oriental Yellow of the 1980s Citadel Hobgoblins along with some form of unifying paint scheme to tie everything in together - traditional Khornate dark red and yellow metal sort of thing.

You know, I woke up yesterday morning having had a weird dream that I needed to convert a Fimir into a Were-Fimir that was also a two-headed, two-beaked, one-legged Chaos Spawn at the same time and that this thing would get fucking murdered by bowfire on the first turn despite taking up six months of work to get it finished and painted. Good job, nothing like this ever happens in real life and that Umlaut Göreshitter's Chaos Warband is just Hobgoblins and Chaos Beastmen eh kids?


Oldhammer Theme Music Is It?

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You are all wrong.

It's this.




I suggest it is played on continual loop at Oldhammer day at Foundry this summer.

Oldhammer - Umlaut Goreshitter

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Once upon a time, in the Reikland village of Alt-Hammer, deep within the dark forested Principality of Upper-Rungun, a minor petty princedom whose only known exports were congenital deformities, buggery and "The Old King's Rot" was born a son to Hans and Lieselotte Gorseschitter.

Umlaut(*) had his Mother's eyes, his Grandfather's nose and his Father's head which, a famed family trait running down the Gorseschitter lineage from before the days of the two-tailed comet, was growing out of his left kneecap.

The Gorseschitter family trade was rat-catching, a job made far easier when ones eyeballs are hovering just above the ground. In time young Umlaut grew to manhood and inherited his Father's mantle - the ratter's pole with D6 dead rats, a sling and ammunition, d6 animal traps and the proud symbol of his profession - A Small But Vicious Dog ().

A happy lifespan of about 35-40 years, siring several deformed mutant children of all three sexes and eventual decay into Chaos Spawn-dom awaited the young, keen ratcatcher.

Except... for that fatal day when he was summoned to the manor house of the Graf Jacob Sa'Vile von Self-Fondler to deal with a rat infestation whereupon it all went a bit Pieter Töng.

Umlaut let his Small But Vicious Dog () off the leash in chase of the scent of rodent and followed him down into the cellar of Schloss von Self-Fondler. There he discovered to his horror the great scented pastel catacombs of the Graf's pleasure chambers, a hell of soft furnishings, recreational drugs, pale wan slaves and (he suspected from a brief glimpse of a black-and-red-robed figure fleeing in haste) the Cardinal of North Albion.

Following the sound of yapping and the trail of overturned silver platters of Lustrian Army Marching Powder, Umlaut arrived at a small hexagonal chamber decorated in hermaphroditic murals to find his Small But Vicious Dog () victorious amongst a pile of dead rats, some of whom appeared to be wearing gold earrings in piratical style.

Suddenly a noise behind him made the young rat-catcher spin around. Behind him stood the Graf, who was for some reason clad as a somewhat disreputable and dishevelled looking junior Priestess of Shallya and pointing a loaded crossbow at him.

"Having seen the magnificence of my pleasure chambers and resolved my rodent problem you will never leave alive peasant. Prepare yourself to meet your decidedly unimaginative and sexually repressed maker."

The Graf's finger tightened upon the crossbow trigger. With a yelp, the Small But Vicious Dog () leaped up at the Graf's face. In a flash, the nobleman's carotid artery was severed and with a yelp, the Small But Vicious Dog () fell to the ground with a crossbow bolt through it's neck.

Tales are only whispered of the grim bloody vengeance that Umlaut wreaked upon the house of von Self-Fondler in revenge for the death of his brave Small But Vicious Dog (). But when all was done and the stones of Schloss von Self-Fondler lay tumbled amongst the curiously twisted and spiky weeds, Umlaut Gorseschitter was no more and UMLAUT GÖRESHITTER stood in his place.

"My Dark Master Khorne" screamed Göreshitter, "I will slay the pervert followers of the pre-op ladyboy God for your dark glory even if I have to grow a ginger mullet and drive to fucking Nottingham!"

With that, a leap into the dark woods and Göreshitter was off to assemble around himself a motley collection of the worst crap ever to fall out of eBay and, being somewhat illiterate, set fire to the house of a paediatrician in South Wales (allegedly).

---







Umlaut Work-In-Progress reflecting his Chaos Attribute (Limb Transference) which moved his head to his knee. I feel slightly like I'm cheating here by going for 100% plastic and putty rather than white metal but it's been a bit of a nightmare trying to find a suitable figure. Most of the lead I found out wasn't suited to quick-and-dirty headchops as the head was either moulded against a weapon or "flowed" into extensive detail such as on the Grenadier amazons I had that all had long hair and/or braids.

And if the top half of the figure was fine for head removal, the knee wasn't and would be obscured making it either difficult to see the head transference or impossible to convert.

So this is Göreshitter in his current guise, that might change before the summer. Colour scheme will be red, red and some red possibly with brass and then some gore.


(*) Sadly Windows charmap.exe is unable to replicate local spelling and add the required umlaut above the letter 'm'. Use your imagination.
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